My husband Ethan King and I started our business together back in 2002. At the time we were simply dating, but we had a vision for a company that would revolutionize the fraternity and sorority market. We took care of all of the legalese and drafted and signed a partnership agreement, and we were off to the races.
We got married a year or so after starting our business and really had no model for a couple working together. Our parents thought we were a little crazy, and perhaps we were, but we felt certain that any obstacle we faced we would be able to overcome. Most importantly, our relationship and marriage came first. There were still moments of tension, arguments, and disagreements. On the other side of that was compromise and a shared quest to create a successful business.
After recently celebrating 19 years of marriage and the birth of 2 kids, we have learned how to work together successfully and still love each other at the end of the day. Here are our tips:
1. Make a list of who is responsible for what in business and at home.
We found that primarily staying in our designated lanes has helped us. We adopted this concept from our pre-marital counseling classes. One of the things we had to do during premarital counseling was to complete a form separately designating who we thought would be responsible for what tasks around the house. Things like laundry, trash, dishes, car maintenance. Then we came back together to discuss and land on who would take on what responsibilities. We have done the same in our business. Some areas we each naturally gravitated towards. For example, I was a business major, so I take care of most items dealing with insurance coverage for the business and employees as well as the financials. Ethan is an artist and extremely creative, so he primarily focuses on the designs and marketing.
2. Create job descriptions with roles and tasks.
Just like you would for any other team member. Similar to above, but actually knowing what each role entails is important to making sure all areas of the business are covered. When we initially started, we were just in grind mode so we both wore every hat and did everything. As we grew we had to begin creating job descriptions and roles, including ours.
3. Appreciate the work your partner does. Say it and show it.
You should let your partner know that you see them. You see the work they are contributing and that you appreciate all that they do for the business and at home. For example, Ethan and I both cook on the days that we don’t have help. We both show gratitude and appreciation by saying “thank you for cooking.” We do the same in the office. I will thank him for sending out a marketing email or handling an equipment issue. Just like your team likes to feel appreciated, so does your spouse. Don’t take that for granted.
4. Be supportive of your partner’s projects and ventures.
Ethan and I both love and enjoy our businesses. We also love our family. We both also have separate interests and separate friends. We are supportive of each other doing things that fill their cup and light them up. We cheer each other on and provide support in any way that we can. Ethan recently published an international bestselling book. That venture required a lot of late nights, me helping him edit and give feedback, and so much more. I have enjoyed supporting him in this journey and will profess to being his biggest cheerleader.
5. Ensure your goals and overall mission & vision align.
It is important that you talk often about the vision you have for your family and business. Ideally you want to be aligned in your financial, spiritual, and core values. Ethan and I talked a lot about these things prior to getting married, and we still discuss them. For the most part they have not changed very much. For example, in 2019 we set a goal of getting completely out of personal debt with the exception of our home. Having this common mission and vision helped us strategize as well as celebrate when we accomplished the goal in 2020.
6. Keep common interests outside of the business and the kids.
When Ethan and I were dating, we loved going out to dinner and to movies. We took up golf, even though we have put that on the back burner for now because neither of us had hours to be on a golf course when we were working to grow our business. We still make time for date nights, and we make a commitment to take at least 2 trips a year with just the two of us. Another interest we have in common is personal fitness. Though we don’t work out together, we are committed to our health and well-being.
7. Communication is job #1.
We are also committed to communicating when things don’t feel right or if we don’t feel in alignment. We don’t brush things under the rug because it is best to address them so we can determine a solution and move forward with purpose.
These are a few of the things that we think have made us successful in our marriage and our businesses.